by M. Wilson
God, I am in the midst of a struggle. I am unsettled. I am longing. I feel that I want to be some place else. My old ways of avoiding have passed. I don't want to run anymore. There has been a change, a shift within me and I'm fighting to come out. Perhaps I'm fighting to stay out. My heart and soul is sad because I know something more. It's not just that I am longing for it - I know it, feel it, taste it, smell it, and see it. That is my faith. However, I feel delusional because it is not here and right now.
This change came quicker than the last one. I felt like I just got through the last shift and here I am again. You must be moving me along fast to get me in line and prepare me for something. However, I do not know where I am supposed to step in and take charge and where I am supposed to step back and let You show me.
I'm in this awkward embrace with Your will. Don't go in too fast, stand too close, hold on too long. However, my soul wants to grab it tight and fold into it. Disappear into it and then reemerge spirited and shining and renewed. Unwrap me to tangle me into the love and passion of my purpose and tie and bind me to those who are to share this journey.
My heart races in these moments. My tears come quicker and feel warmer and taste saltier. Dear God. I am surrendered. Please, release me. This caged bird is trying to fly. I am singing my song from within, but the notes and the melody need to be carried out - they are growing in strength and bravado ...
Lord, I struggle. Sweet, Father I struggle.
I love this prayer, it's honest and vulnerable. It's real. Thank you for sharing your work and words.
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